Meaningless Jabber

Going Down With My Ship

2008-09-08T03:18:25Z

I just smooshed a gigantic spider with Marie Claire magazine and am now feeling murderers guilt. Also, my right foot is completely numb, I'm not entirely convinced that it's still attached at the ankle.

Now we have the important stuff out of the way...

Yesterday it rained. Quite a lot. Quite a lot translates to THATS IT, WE'RE LOSING EVERYTHING AGAIN! GRAB SPADES AND WELLIES AND DIG FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! By about lunchtime, the water was knee-deep in the lane and halfway up the driveway. All public transport was cancelled, we couldn't get the cars out, and the electricity cables were sparking threateningly. Strangely, I didn't have a panic-attack until around 5pm, when our neighbour came round to tell us she'd stacked up the sofas and was 'abandoning ship.' I had a number of The Great Flood Of 2005 flashbacks (like watching the garden shed float past my bedroom window, and getting into a motorboat in our living room) and freaked out, throwing things onto worktops and shouting something about 'not going through all that crap again.'

In actual fact, the house didn't flood; which I think is partly due to our (Lane Of Action) diversion tactics - sandbagging so it headed over the railway line (it was closed, obviously), and digging through into the rugby field to create a new flood plain. Probably more significantly, the riverbank had been reinforced with clay two years ago. Last time around, it had just crumbled, leaving us a metre or so under, but this time it held steady so we were fine. Not such good news for Morpeth though, where apparently around 200/300 homes and the town centre has gone. Is it selfish to think, thank fuck it's not us?

The water issues were epecially annoying considering we were meant to be going to Newcastle that night to see Joseph and the amazing technicolour dreamcoat - actually the only reason I'm still here in Northumberland; and then we were driving up to Scotland the next day - today, in fact. Instead we watched the X Factor and I'm marooned here 'til Tuesday.

Although that might be pretty good news seeing as one of my flatmates found a dead mouse in her bedroom today. Where? There on the stair! Where on the stair? Right there! I won't be happy until I seek out its nephew, break the sad news gently concerning his recently deceased uncle, and then fashion him a pair of wooden clogs from MDF.

Song of the day - Northern Downpour - Panic! At The Disco, which helpfully shuffled onto Lily - my Mp3, mid panic-attack, providing a soundtrack to my madness.
Lolcat of the day -
Quote of the day - (after Wossy analyses Howard as having....you can tell I didn't bother to rewatch this...schizophrenia, mania, and phases of bipolar disorder)
Noel: I've been telling him that for years!
Julian: I've been telling him that for years.

Nice one.

Visit Northumberland: See A Wall!

2008-08-30T16:58:20Z

There's something rather comforting about coming back home, even if its just for a few days. Somewhere in between The Archers and drying the dishes, whilst sitting in a comfortable chair with numb feet because the dog is crushing your toes, reading a book you've owned for approximately two hundred years, and listening to your Mum wandering round the garden singing "2 NIL, 2 NIL" to the tune of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot; I find myself thinking, well, this is nice.

Also, bad news bears. The flat in Edinburgh has no telephone line, despite the fact the landlord is legally required to provide one; so we have to pay for installation upfront before they reimburse us. Then we can set about broadbanding up the flat. The whole process should take about a month, so it'll be internet cafes until then for me. No more porn reading :(

I'm quite looking forward to the move apart from that, sorry I keep banging on about it. A friend of Cassies from Kansas (yes! A real, honest to goodness American!) is staying with us for a couple of weeks, because, poor thing, she was turfed out of her Au Pairs job in Switzerland when she dared to complain at being treated like a slave. What a nice welcome to Europe that must have been for her, and she was supposed to be staying for a year aswell. So, we're throwing a Kansas-themed flat-warming party in her honour that I'm VERY VERY excited about. Yee-haw, and all that shiz.

Oh! I also hear there's going to be a Boosh Book signing. Am there with bells on.

Song of the day - Dreaming of you - The Coral. So addictive.
Lolcat of the day -
Quote of the day - David Mitchell (I think) on Sting: "Why would he call him Gordon? It's only his name! Nouns aren't good enough for Sting, are they? He had to take a verb!"

Crunch Time!!1!ELEVENTY!!

2008-08-21T23:20:14Z

In nine hours time I'm leaving for Edinburgh. I think this news deserves a keyboard smash:

EGWFOG;SEFGIBLCIAEGOF09WEFCBLKC:Afw[]fnsavcliefp9wpjfaiqknrwefpiayAD;NNQ;EWQHIFHCFPHIAQWIPHSAIHPSIAP

Smashing!

There, feeling a little bit calmer now! Am at bursting point, I've only got an hour to pack and half the contents of my room have to be squashed into one smallish suitcase. Also, I can't believe, after months of waiting, that this is finally happening. I'm moving out (sort of, over the next few weeks anyway) and seeing the festival which I've always dreamed of visiting; and I get to see Sinead sing with her band instead of just on Singstar whilst I drown her out with drunken warbling! Eek!!!

Had a brilliant bon voyage night yesterday (though thats a bit of an excuse as am back in Lancs for a few more days by Monday evening) in Hustle - the worlds finest shooter bar, where we danced to Thriller and had lime-eating competitions, as you do. Then rounded it off tonight with a visit to The Friary - the worlds finest ex-holy restaurant/bar which has been done up to gawping type standards - there are murals all over the walls and windows, bottles hanging from the ceiling, the stools have been covered in velvet and the toilets deserve me going back next week to take photos of them - pink leather angel wings on the walls! Glittery raspberry sinks! Its a kitsch-lovers dream :D

Talking of kitsch, If anyone felt like buying me this wonderful slice of history, I'd love them for ever and ever.

Oh, I adore it. *puppy eyes*

So ARGH! I guess my new life starts here! Lets hope I dont cock it up before its started and manage to set the place on fire on the first night. Wish me luck folks :s

Song of the day - Thriller by Michael Jackson.
Lolcat of the day -
Quote of the day - Frankie Boyles entire animals spiel on Mock The Week tonight. It was so far past inappropriate that the programme came with a Frankie warning e.g. "How about shagging an owl? Whatever position you take it from you can keep eye contact"

LOL Emma, if you're reading this, imagine pervy eyebrows man right ---->here<-----

Still Rabbiting On About The Olympics I'm Afraid.

2008-08-17T07:53:48Z

(Painfully Early) Morning Folks!

Well it's midway through Hobos Fortnight Of Fun, as Jai termed it, and I've spent most of this precious last few days in Lancs holed up in the living room glued to the TV. Damn our unexpected success (apart from in the athletics but lets put that particular failure to one side for now; as Dara O'Brien put it when Adam Hills started poking fun at the British Team - "They're kicking your arses in dancing horses and tiny yachts.") Hell yes we are! Not forgetting pedalling in a circle! I'm wishing Phelps the best of luck in getting those eight medals (though he may have already done it, I don't know what time his last race was) as it's an incredible achievement. One of those achievements that makes you think - Ah, I've wasted my life.

Am still feeling incredibly sick after yesterdays experience - a day trip to Morecambe. I'm going to pretend it wasn't my own foolish idea in the first place. I've never seen rain like it, and neither had my flip flops or broken umbrella. We ended up walking for about an hour from the bowling alley to find a bus home, when I got in, I had to wring out my feet. The beach isn't as much of a dive as it could be though, got to love the feeling of sand between the toesies, and the statue of Eric Morecambe is sheer tack personified. He has flashy blue chaser lights upon and surrouding his person! They could have added some tasteful illuminating fairy lights like there is further down the monument (this things sapping half the electricity supply of Lancashire) but no! That wouldn't be in keeping at all with the seafront! Better opt for the epilepsy-inducing laser show instead.

Finally we've booked train tickets for Edinburgh next week, as well as somefor a mates show. We were going to order more online but my debit card's looking a little forlorn after all that spending and I think we'll just be grabbing a programme and trying to squeeze in as many free shows as possible! Sounds like there'll be plenty about. I'm freaking out about the whole thing really - got to coordinate flat cleaning/organising with friends who haven't met each other before and very probably wont get on, as well as the fringe itself, which I've never been to, in a city I don't really know my way round. It'll be an experience to say the least!

Song of the Day - I Want You To Want Me - Letters To Cleo. Been a-desiring this tune for ages, now I've somehow got three of their albums. Anyone fancy any LTC songs?!
Lolcat of the day -
Quote of the day - "There is no charge for awesomeness" - We slightly watched Kung Fu Panda the other night. I'm not ashamed to say, it's a work of complete genius.

Religion - The Confuser.

2008-07-15T15:33:48Z

I'll try not to make this into a sociological lecture but...On the subject of atheism, every time I think or say aloud 'I don't believe in God' I feel this little frisson of guilt inside, I feel like I SHOULD believe in it, even though I know I don't. Why is this? I think it's a mixture of social conditioning and a basic desire to believe in something.

I've always WANTED to believe in God, in a magical, fantastical, meaning-giving sense. When I was little, I often felt scared not to, as if there would be nothing to lean on if I didn't. I'd be on my own. Now I'm older, I've learnt to lean on myself and those around me. I don't need some mythical being to protect me, and so I've plucked up the courage to openly dismiss religion. On the other hand, I still love magic and the unreal. I also want desperately to believe in Santa, in unicorns, in faeries, in ghosts and in Harry Potter ;) Fairy tales make my life complete. It's nice to imagine there's something beyond the mundane out there. The only problem is where make-believe ends and reality begins. My particular problem lies with ghosts. I've always believed in them, I think there is too much evidence not to. I respect them. But then, I get to thinking, if I believe in them, what are they? Souls? Does this mean I should believe in religion as well? And what about fate? Can I believe in things happening for the best, or working themselves out, without believing in pre-determination, which leads to the existence of a controlling force? I don't believe in fate anymore. the future isn't mapped out. But ghosts I still cling onto. I like to think that there is some spark beyond skin and bone that keeps us going (I flirt with reincarnation) but see it in a non-religious way. In a natural way. I certainly don't connect it to a God. If anything, I believe in nature as a controlling force, rather than religion. Then again, is believing nature is all-powerful a kind of religion? Is atheism itself, a non-belief, a religion? It might be if I start trying to convert believers rather than keeping these thoughts to myself! I see atheism as a rebellion against outside control, a breakaway group, and a kind of progress, which in itself is quite a romanticized image. What it SHOULD be, of course, is a disinterest in religion, a disregard, but because so many people currently believe, it's much more active and military than that. I try not to let my non-belief become a big part of who I am. Tolerance is very important to me, and I know you can't be tolerant if you refuse to accept that other people can think differently to you, and have reached different conclusions.

From the social conditioning angle, obviously, what your parents and those around you believe has a major impact upon what you think yourself. Strongly religious parents usually pass on their own beliefs to their offspring, who may have ended up believing something completely different had they been brought up in a different setting. I'm a strong believer in the nurture over nature process of socialisation - as in, we don't inherit our characters and beliefs, we learn them through interaction. No baby is born religious. I happened to be brought up in a family who are, in the main, very casual christians. They say they believe in a God, but don't attend church, and certainly wouldn't think of preaching to anybody. My dad is atheist, he sees the whole idea as ridiculous, as a plot to control and manipulate people. I think he is pleased with me for agreeing, so perhaps I've been influenced by his non-belief. On the other hand, it's only since my late teens that I've actually called myself atheist, that I haven't prayed now and then, when worried, before exams and suchlike. So maybe it's time and knowledge thats led me to this conclusion.

I sound like a right sel-righteous wanker now, don't I?!

I don't mean to be! I'm still very confused, it may take my whole life to sort out what I do and don't believe in. Living with a Religious Studies major has made me think about this more often than I usually would, and it makes my head spin.

I'd love to know other peoples opinions :)

The Graduand

2008-06-27T19:37:25Z

Hiya everyone, got my results Wednesday and by some miracle, managed to steal a 2:1. I'm so pleased, for all my friends and flatmates who have done equally well as much as for myself. I'm just sad we all have to leave in a few days, so am making up for it by barely leaving their sight!

Quick meme though, because it's an interesting one...

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well let's see.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE, or strikeout the books you read but didn't like.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read only 6 or less and make them read.

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7.Winnie The Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
~~11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller~~ Tried and tried and just couldn't get to grips with it.
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
~~21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell~~
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
~~31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson~~
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams One of my all-time favourite books.
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
~~65. Mort, Terry Pratchett~~ Don't like Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
~~80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson~~
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
~~91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo~~
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

43 out of 100. If you've only read 6 of these, I judge you. Still got over halfway to go though, which is an exciting prospect! Actually, I just bought a murder mystery called The Savage Garden, because I wanted to try something different. Might try some Stephen King next. Has anybody read any? If so, which would you recommend?

Signing off, with a sloppy kiss X

He Turned His Wipers On!!

2008-06-22T22:35:42Z

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA Top Gear, you're so gay.

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford Comma?

2008-06-12T19:28:26Z

The fact that Queer As Folk teeters on the edge of gloriously shite just makes me love it more. Once RTD leaves Doctor Who I'm going to bribe him into making another series. This time, with aliens. Lol.

Well hallo. Yesterday I received the frankly shocking news that I hadn't, as I'd predicted, failed my dissertation, but provisionally got a perfectly healthy 2:1. No idea how this happened. I didn't even write a first draft, for gads sakes. So either I'm blessed, or the marker went temporarily insane. I suppose they might have felt obliged to give me a good mark because I'd written about disabled children? That was my original plan - hit them where it hurts - right in the conscience. So, wheeeeeee after that news I danced on air for the rest of the day and swept my flatmates along to the shooter bar, where we probably tried everything on the menu. I remain firm in my belief that Tabasco is not for drinking, it is for setting fire to things.

This is what happened...

Lol, Div. No idea how we even lugged that thing up four flights of stairs. All I know is that it looks a helluva lot bigger in our tiny living room; and that I am ashamed. What a disgustingly studenty thing to do. Not a clue where the hat came from, or where my keys are either. Lets just label this episode Reason Why I Shouldn't Drink #659919999302 and move on.

If anyone wants a quick and mostly fun way to make a very small amount of money, you don't need to leave the house and seek a pimp, go and judge some music on slicethepie.com, its free to sign up, and you receive the princely total of 3p for every song you rate. It does go up after a while though, my friend is well on the way to minimum wage. Not that its something you'd want to do for 9 hours a day mind.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic week, I'm off to Manchester tomorrow to shop, visit the body worlds exhibition, and see Simon Amstell on Sunday. I really cant wait, this whole Edinburgh fiasco has made June into a pretty stressful month so far!

Song of the day - Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend. So inventive and fresh.
Lolcat of the day -
Quote of the day - "I may look happy to you, but that's because I'm limited to a very few facial expressions. I'm actually tormented by jealousy and rage." (from Queen Camilla by Sue Townsend. This book is currently my entire life.)

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

2008-05-24T13:58:50Z

So, Eurovision time has rolled around once more. I shall be there, seeing as I'll be at home tonight - all alone, with my brain slowly disintegrating. What annoys me is that we're forced to sit through acres of dirgy Eastern European ballads in order to wait for the intermittent camp-fests that make Eurovision so great. That, and Wogans commentary.

Following a discussion with a friend about the themes of most songs being about either Love or Loss, and how we wish there were more about EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE we decided to pen our own Eurovision entry under the provisional name of Hobo and The Pepperpots. Here's how the creative meeting went...

Becky: Well we have to write about something thats relevant to all countries in Europe....what do they have in Europe?
Me: ....bread.

Three days later, she bounced up to me and produced the wonder(loaf) that is imaginatively titled,,,,

The Bread Song

The touch of your crust makes my heart skip a beat
I really love your sliced wholewheat
When I first saw your dense dark rye
I could not believe my eyes

The day I held your French Baton
I knew that you must be the one
And all that I could say was 'Gosh'
At the taste of your sweet Brioche

(chorus)
Bread, oh bread,
Without you I may as well be dead
I could never leave you or even try it
For you're the staple of my diet

When I'm with bread I'm in heaven
Be it risen or unleavened
Each night I just can't wait to see ya
My tasty Mexican tortilla

(chorus)

I can't forget the time we stole
Alone, just me and a crusty roll
Focaccia on the sand all night
My beautiful soft grain sliced white

I know one day we'll both get old
And you may be stale and covered in mould
But I'll stay by your side, for I promised a priest
To love, honour and obey your yeast

(chorus)

Actually, it's still about love isnt it. Shit.

The b-side is about being stuck in a lift with a giant hobnob, and then eaten by said hobnob, but thats still in pre-production.

In other news, I'm very excited about this Tuesday, because I'm meeting a friend for lunch who I haven't seen in a year, seeing as shes been swanning around Kansas (and NY, and SF, and Chicago) living the high life. So I can question her all about the American adventures! And we can finally start looking for flats in Edinburgh. Can't wait to get the ball rolling! It's going to be a great weekend kids, once I get over this hangover. An epic night was had by all.

Lolcat of the day -
Song of that day - Walking on Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves.
Quote of the day - "Don't you wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'brightness' but that doesn't work."

Indiana Jones and The Most Ridiculous Film Ever Made.

2008-05-23T00:58:36Z

You have to see it, I don't think I stopped laughing for more than two minutes. And things just became more amusing towards the end. I'd love to discuss it in tremendously lolsworthy detail, but seeing as the thing only came out today, better not.

Anyway, hi everybody! *waves* Remember me? I finished my exams Tuesday evening, and its all been a bit of a blur since then. Not an alcoholic blur, sadly, but a catching-up-on-much-needed-sleep sort of blur. My mood since finishing has been bouncing violently between FREEDOM! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! I CAN GO ANYWHERE! I'M GOING TO....LEARN FRENCH AND RUN A BREAD SHOP IN NICE! and SHIT! ONLY GOT MY LIFE PLANNED UP UNTIL NEXT TUESDAY. Its pretty daunting really, being unceremoniously expelled from the education system I've been comfortably nestled in for the vast majority of my life, without a lifebelt.

So I handled it as any sensible person would - hysterical crying fits, Sangria, and rash spending on a mass scale. But mostly in charity shops, so thats morally OK right?!

Oh dear, eyelids letting me down again, I'll write a proper post tomorrow with all manner of special features, and start catching up with the flist's goings-on. That should take up the majority of the day I should be spending drawing up a new CV.

But it's mighty fine to be back :)

Lolcat of the day (a Sociology tribute) - I'll miss you, Messrs Marx, Durkheim, Weber and Bourdieu.
Song of the day - Smoke Baby - Hawksley Workman. I want his albums NOW. Curse you, empty bank account.

Fried and Frazzled

2008-05-16T20:11:45Z

The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

I love this song, especially the irony that no-one (that I've talked to about it at least), knows what the girls name actually is. I'd post the video, except youtube isn't working for me, and myspace videos won't post for some reason either. I just want to scream at technology sometimes.

If I was a Crayola right now, I think my name would be something along the lines of 'Radioactive Red.' I also managed to contract a small amount of sunstroke (at least, we think thats what it was) and so lost an entire day alternating raving madly in my bed and passing out on the bathroom floor. I'm considering moving out to Alaska, seeing as sunshine does obviously not agree with me!

Four days since I last posted? A disgrace. This is mainly because I had the exam from utter hell on Tuesday, and I've been trying to make up for it in revision terms ever since. It was one of those times where I took one look at the question paper and my brain was screaming SHIT NO SHIT - CAN'T DO - FIND NEAREST ESCAPE ROUTE, then I took a second look and realised I could in fact do some of the questions passably, but by that point all the knowledge I'd memorised had been scared away. I have the feeling I may aswell write off that particular course completely, and focus upon Europe, which I seem to find (unlike most of my friends) fairly easy to remember. It's just dates and facts which are ultimately uncomplicated, and I can put my own spin on at the end, rather than the ramblings of historical genii who I can't possibly hope to understand!

Oh, it's also Couples Weekend in the flat, so expect much moaning over my single status! I dont mean to be bitter about it, and really, thinking about it objectively, I'm happy as I am. It's just when I only encounter people in pairs, it becomes a little noticeable and wearing.

Anyway, that was BORING. After this week is over, my posts are going to be ultimately more readable and less depressing. At least 20% less depressing guaranteed, or your money back.

Lolcat of the day -
Song of the day - Handsfree (If you hold my hand) - Sonny J. Thanks

faeriequeen

Shades of Brand

2008-05-09T18:20:11Z

So, Hi there. I've spent a wholly unproductive afternoon trying and failing to capture Russell Brand in charcoal. Oh hairy one, why do you elude me?! I'd post shitty pictures I've drawn more often if my scanner wasn't so abysmal *kicks scanner* It doesn't look anything like this really. Apologies!

What can we learn from this? For a start - never try close-ups! He looks evil. Secondly, I always forget chins. Also, try to avoid wearing nice dresses whilst using charcoal. Thats the third outfit I've ruined in two days (had a slight accident with a chocolate ice cream, and orange juice, and then a touch of Cajun sauce for good measure yesterday.)

Might have a go at penning Booshy faces tomorrow, I'm sure this can be considered revision...somehow. Oh, and I'm busy working on the Abba post, found out a lot of interesting facts about them actually, as well as some STONKING pictures :D

Song of the day - Business Time - FOTC. I only just heard the full album version the other day. It's hysterical.

Who The Fuck Is Agyness Dean?

2008-04-24T22:07:42Z

Mmm ice cream. May have unwisely eaten a Thorntons double scoop at lunchtime, then gone for Apricot and White Chocolate in Bella Italia this evening. I love Bella Italia, mainly because you get those little lemon sweets with the bill, which makes you feel better about shelling out a chunk of your hard-earned student loan for a pizza when you could have quite as easily eaten a tin of baked beans from the cupboard and spent it on booze instead. Or in our case...a new freeview box, because ours is knackered and we're stuck in the frigging DARK AGES of four channels, showing 24-hour Bargain Hunt and Trisha. Kill me now.

I'm looking for a dress for Gradball and can't find one anywhere (though theres some very pretty 50s polkadot on www.dollydagger.co.uk) Anyone got any recommendations where I could look? Just on the off chance! Thanks, trusty flist.

Sorry about the boring update. Essays are gradually sucking the soul from my body through my left nostril. Lots of thrills and spills (with some luck lol) next week.

STOP PRESS. I've just found the ultimate ballgown -

Excuse me while I puke into a doily.

Broken eyelids

2008-04-18T06:58:16Z

Anyone got any Twiglets? I could really do with some to prop my eyes open right now. Having to make do with a couple of highlighter pens. Come on, worthless brain. There's only 10,000 words left to write! In...four days. Shitsticks.

I could just...emigrate.

Anger management

2008-04-15T15:31:20Z

So much for April showers, summer has erupted across Lancaster today. I'm wearing flip flops. Yes, actual sandals, and whats more, my feet still feel warm and sun-kissed! There's something a bit wrong about this actually. A few weeks ago we had snow (at the end of MARCH? wtf) and now blazing sunshine. The seasons appear to be intermingling at will. The sad thing is, I remember the days when summer was one long slideshow of blue skies, and winter was always frosty and crunchy underfoot. As I remember, it even used to rain for days at a time. That never happens now, it rains rarely (whatever people say) and even then is barely more than on-off drizzle; summers are mild but never boiling; and winter no longer really exists. Everythings merging into one. I can SEE this happening, how can any government deny that global warming is a threat?

Progress on the dissertation 'o doom = Zero. Biscuits eaten = 56. Continue like this much longer and I shall actually transform into a biscuit. Fingers crossed for the jammy dodger.

By the way, anyone hear that they are banning Battenburg and Mushy Peas due to their over-abundance of those satanic e-numbers? This rankles me. I've never heard of anyone keeling over from Battenburg-poisoning before, so it must be in quantities safe enough to consume. Yet things that are almost pure lard, eg. Deep Fried Mars bars, are let off the hook? Let's ban everything! Let's ban going outside, it may result in exposure to UV rays and cause INSTANT DEATH.

Argh, country.

7 Interests Meme

2008-04-11T21:49:33Z

Comment on my post and I'll ask you why you like seven things on your interests list. I do love memes.

This is what I was asked...

1.David Bowie
2.Top Gear
3.Karaoke
4.Vintage Clothing
5.Green Wing
6.Fancy Dress
7.Experimental Dancing

I'll be depicting each with a macro. But I'm not sure why...enjoy!

1) David Bowie.
You've seen the picture right? The man's a legend. I can't honestly say I've always been a fan, but then I only developed a taste in music about two years ago. Starman has to be one of my favourite songs, Labyrinth is an incredible film, and he even has a cameo in Zoolander. How can I not love this man?!

2) Top Gear.
This show has just got better and better over the years. Now they have the ultimate combination of Clarkson/Hamster/Captain Slow, it never fails to entertain me, especially the challenges. I have great fondness for the episode where they had to turn cars into boats and Hammond made a barge (bless his tiny cotton socks) and then every special they've ever made. That African one where they all had to strip down their cars to get through the desert , and Hamster refused to do so because he'd adopted his car and named it Oliver, was absolute genius! You may have noticed I have a soft spot for Richard Hammond, but this extends to James May too. After all, he's the most famous person to ever graduate from Lancaster University!

3) Karaoke.
Oh come on, its just fun isn't it?! I'm never backwards in coming forwards when theres a chance to make a fool of myself in public, and it reminds me of holidays with friends. Really, I'm just a frustrated pop star ;)

4) Vintage Clothing.
Because you can't get everything from Topshop (actually I kind of hate the place. They tend to forget that some women have breasts.)

5) Green Wing.
My favourite comedy of all time, I'm going to fail completely in explaining how important this show is to me! Through it, I found some of my very best friends, and it introduced me to such a wide range of comedy. Without Green Wing, I'd probably still be happily watching Friends repeats, ignorant and unaware of what else there is out there. Two series of totally inspired craziness (and no special, the special does not exist for me.)

6) Fancy Dress
Firstly, LOL at that macro. I don't necessarily mean the type of 'fancy dress' that goes on in many a hen party/sleazy night out across the country, where 'costume' is used as an excuse for looking as slutty as possible. I'm referring to actual, inventive fancy dress. For example a friend of mine and her housemates dressed up as Cluedo characters last year, they looked brilliant. For Halloween, another friend went as Pacman, and I later met someone dressed as a giant Pritt-stick. Now thats what I call fancy!

On that same night we met this guy who for some unfathomable reason had taped a joint of ham to his head. We saw him later chewing on it in the middle of the dancefloor. :-s

7) Experimental Dancing.
Let me make myself clear here. By experimental I mean 'drunk' and possibly dangerous. Lots of flailing and bouncing and miming going on, if only to hide the fact I actually cannot dance properly at all.

Phewf! That took a while!

In Praise Of Maltesers

2008-04-07T21:54:51Z

I'd like to dedicate this post to Maltesers - a triumph in the category of Round Food.

Oh Malteser you are a spherical joy,
Kind of a food, yet sort of a toy.

You can fire them with straws
This I once tried
Except I didn't have a straw
Used a pen-lid
Inhaled some ink
and nearly died

In a pack of revels
Finding you is my aim
discarding others in disgust
Orange? No!
Coffee? I don't think so!
Peanut? For shame!

I'm searching for your honeycomb centre
Which tastes oddly like tea
Yet herbal it is not,
Didn't it arrive, orginally
from the backside
of a bee?

But I digress, I must confess
My poetry is lacking
It doesnt do you justice
Oh delicious Malteser,
Until round, or dead, or toothless
On you I shall be snacking.

Yeah, you won't be laughing when I'm Poet Laureate, will you?! :-D

IT Crowd - I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire.

2008-04-06T21:49:55Z

Because I could watch this all day, I'll put it up on my journal so I can!

I AM a giddy goat.

:-D

We're all going to die!

2008-04-03T23:44:54Z

Watched Ten Things You Didn't Know About Volcanoes tonight, and I wish the Beeb had kept them to themselves. Really, there was a reason why I shouldn't have known these things, because now I'll never sleep for fear of nightmares about pyroclastic explosions, 15 mile high clouds, sides of mountains being blasted apart and lava bubbling all over the shop. I already kind of knew about Yellowstone from Bill Bryson, but its terrifying to think, that THING is bubbling away quite suspiciously, its due an explosion that will most likely wipe out North America and plunge the rest of the world into constant winter and famine, and people are going there on HOLIDAY? wtf?! It also baffled me how much camera footage there was of pyroclastic clouds and suchlike. They hurtle towards you at 300 mph! At that point Im sure my first thought wouldn't be, better whip out the old cameraphone to show the grandkiddies, I'd be thinking YUYDUYUYDUDUIJJJK...RUN!

In other news, what do you do with a depressed Labrador? Are there doggy anti-depressants on the market? Becky's still not happy about the arrival of happy-go-lucky Pippa the puppy and now refuses to leave her bed for anything less than a handful of grapes (she's got an odd thing for fruit.) I'm worried about her.

Song of the day - Under The Weather - KT Tunstall. I like KT, even if I keep getting her new album confused with Elton Johns old one of the remarkably similar name...

Music spam

2008-04-02T19:53:58Z

On my mp3 player (called Lilywhite)

How many songs total: 2052
How many hours or days of music: It doesn't say, its not iTunes.
Most recently played: The Trick To Life - The Hoosiers
Most played: Run - Snow Patrol (no surprise there)
Most recently added: Children Of The Night - For all the boogie times...

Sort by song title:
First Song: A Certain Romance - Arctic Monkeys
Last Song: Zuton Fever - The Zutons

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Happy Poncho Dance - Mighty Boosh. Awh it's only 10 seconds long!
Longest Song: Your Guts (I Hate 'Em) - Reel Big Fish - 14:57

Sort by album:
First album: A Certain Trigger - Maximo Park
Last album: Yours Truly, Angry Mob - Kaiser Chiefs

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Invincible - Muse

Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death - 4
Life - 60
Love - 90
Hate - 19
You - 241
Sex - 5 (One of them being A Winters Tale by David Essex. Lol!)

Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
Love Shack - The B52's
Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis
December '63 (Oh What A Night) - Yeah, I'm a disco bitch
Gay Bar - Electric Six
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Anyone and everyone. Preferably not Mariah Carey. And no, it doesn't have to be Christmas!
We Used To Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols
Let's Dance To Joy Division - The Wombats
Lola - The Kinks
All Star - Smashmouth
Mr. Brightside - The Killers (What? I'm female!)
Basket Case - Green Day
Buck Rogers - Feeder
Common People - Pulp
Here It Goes Again- Ok Go
Dolls - Primal Scream
Anything from Grease or Grease 2 (except that awful one where he's sitting on the cafeteria midget chairs whining on for hours)
Don't Bring Me Down - ELO
The Timewarp - Rocky Horror
Do You Want To - Franz Ferdinand
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
Don't Stop The Music - S Club 7 - Being brutally honest now
Dreadlock Holiday - 10CC :D
Is It 'Cos I'm Cool? - Mousse T
Fashion - David Bowie
I Hate To Say I Told You So - The Hives
Hey Ya - Outkast

...and pretty much every other song I've ever heard. (That was only down to I on the list) Cannot sit still!

follows the crowd

2008-04-01T17:15:52Z

Its my interests collage! Only I don't have a clue how to get it under a cut and then have it full size. Technological spastic. Still, I quite like it!

How To Tell A Relationship Is Over In 90 Seconds

2008-03-25T19:18:15Z

I just discovered this last night and it has not proved constructive in quashing my Julian Barratt obsession. Must he be so gorgeous?!

Best...song...ever!

2008-03-24T16:28:21Z

Popsicle - The Starlight Mints
This has to be one of the greatest video's of all time. And the implications are filthy, filthy, filthy. ;)

Eddie Come Home

2008-03-17T18:30:43Z

I am extremely sick of my friends page being spammed by American Eddie Izzard fans all going " I HAS TICKETS for *insert faraway place name here* " for weeks and weeks on end. Firstly, couldn't they just stick it all in one thread? Its not like anyone could comment beyond 'Well done you, you clever moose.' Secondly, I'm jealous okay, pathetically green with envy! Nobody wants to be reminded what they can't have/ go and have a good laugh at. So the logical thing to do would be to stop watching the damn community, but people post funny little videos, or to go and see whether he's coming to London any time this year. Except I don't want to be disappointed!

*Is trapped in a vicious circle of bitterness*

And I don't even LIKE The Riches. *grumbles*

Okay, maybe my reaction is a little OTT. That might have something to do with the fact I have 4,500 words to write by Thursday. Even more if I get bitten by the fanfic bug. This is one time I really wish my printer and 'o' key wern't both absolutely buggered!

Mitchell and Webb

2008-03-17T01:19:14Z

I love this video. "THATS FOR MY FRIEND WENDY, SHE'S GOT CYSTITIS!"

The programme itself, well I might describe it as patchy, as all sketch shows are. Some situations are undeniably wonderful (biscuit levitation anyone?) but some seem a little tired, or not thought through well enough. Those snooker commentators were awful. But Sir Digby Chicken Caesar has potential for his own show, crime-caper music and all!

What am I doing? I can't possibly criticise the two men that brought me Peep Show! *scolds self*